It’s strange when you have a lot of time to sit back and reflect where things went wrong. You see every incident in a different light…you realize what actually went wrong…and more importantly where you went wrong. And it’s worse when you realize that you could have avoided it all so easily…

I just was not patient enough…not ready to wait…always ready to give up at the slightest hint of failure. Time and again I lost patience. Time and again I’ve just said to myself that I can’t take it anymore. Though I’ve tried to come back time and again, this time it’s proving to be tough…maybe this time there’s no coming back.

I just was not understanding enough and that has left exposed my shortcomings as a human. I may have been caring and loving and all that but understanding?? Naah…and worse is that I’ve never even attempted to be so. I’ve never tried to understand the feelings…the emotions…the way the heart works…the limitations. I kept assuming that everything I did would bring happiness…but I always looked at my happiness first. I never tried to understand what I should have done. I never tried to understand what was needed…

I lacked self-belief and that has cost me trust. Some relations are based purely on trust…and once that trust is broken, then everything is over. You may try all you want but that trust will never come back.

I started expecting things and that has cost me a friendship. The more I tried to prevent myself from doing so, the more I started expecting things. I tried to comfort myself by reasoning that expectations and wants are different but I was just clutching at straws.

I started taking things for granted. And that is a cardinal sin. I never realized how deep the wounds I have caused have run. I just thought I would get away with everything I did…I took for granted the happiness.

And more importantly, I never was a good friend.